This is a blog about the everyday events of my life--what drives me, what encourages and discourages me, what touches and nurtures my heart...what makes me who I am.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Engaging in life with my whole heart

Oftentimes I feel like I am waiting, waiting for something. What is this something? I am not sure. Is it the perfect, ideal moment? Am I waiting for myself to be perfect before I plunge into all that is life? Come to think of it, sometimes I feel like most of my life has been one long wait...for something.

And so I live with much hesitation because this waiting holds me back. I live as if I were just a spectator of life rather than the one living it. Sometimes I feel like a soldier in the midst of war, who instead of engaging in battle, retreats and fear. Instead of engaging in all that is life, my heart retreats and hides.

Oh Lord, help me find my heart and bring it out of hiding into the fullness of life, into the fullness of who you are.


At 12:33 AM, Blogger tigra's owner said...

I know what you mean about waiting. I sometimes find myself thinking, if I can just get through this period of time, I can relax, I can be happy. The period of time might be a day, a week, a year--whatever time is necessary to accomplish a given task or get beyond a difficulty.

When I was little and would say something like, "I wish Christmas were here!", my dad would say "You're wishing your life away!" I remember how scary that sounded to me! But I am in fact wishing my life away when I wait for some magic moment when everything will be perfect and I can start breathing again and living my life.

There is no magic moment, no perfect time. This moment, this day, this year is to be cherished and lived for what it is.

At 7:49 AM, Blogger Murlpee said...

I want to say something about your blog - but I don't know what to say. I don't know why you wait as you describe. But you did write about love before. Are you waiting for love? Where are you waiting...? Are you waiting for something that's possible or/and divine? I think we all feel what you express to an extent, this uncertaintly, this limbo we exit in, which is part of our experience. It's part of the excitement of life maybe...


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