LIVING FROM THE HEART

2005-05-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

With all the blessings of being a TCK come all the challenges as well--Who am I? Where is home? Where do I belong?

Though I've come a long ways in my search for the answers, I find that I still continue to struggle with these issues. And as much as I want the issues to be resolved, I must remind myself that it is a journey, a journey to find my own voice, not that of someone else. I must be patient with myself and not rush to answers that are not my own and to a voice that is not mine. Maria Rilke said it best:

"...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."
-Letters to a Young Poet

TCK humor

2005-05-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Here's some TCK humor (keep in mind that these people are Caucasian American TCKs):

- When people asked me where I'm from I used to just say Africa. But I always wound up getting asked questions like, "Why aren't you black?"

- I was born in Taiwan, and my favorite question is, "Are your parents Chinese?" Being a six foot tall Caucasian female doesn't seem to stop them from asking this!

- In Papua New Guinea (PNG) I say I'm from Norway, in Norway I say I went to an Americanized school, and in the States I say I'm from PNG. Home is always elsewhere.

- Of course, I always get asked the usual questions such as, "Are there lots of snakes, lions, etc. . . . , Do the people run around naked?"

www.tckworld.com

Benefits of being a TCK--making the world my home

2005-05-14T20:03:00.000-07:00

Being a TCK means that I have friends from and in all parts of the world. Two of my high school classmates are back in Finland, one in Sweden, one in Korea, two in Taiwan, one in Africa, and some are here in the U.S. While my parents are in Bolivia, most of my relatives are in Taiwan. Being a TCK, I kind of see the world as my country. A college graduate from L.A. moving to Boston for a job would be the equivalent of me moving from L.A. to Shanghai. Packing up, moving, and adjusting to a new culture is not so difficult for me. It's just something I do almost automatically.

The benefits of being a TCK

2005-05-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

Well, since we're wrapping up, I want to take these last few postings to reflect on some of the benefits of being a TCK.

One of these is the ability to view the world from different perspectives, something that seems to have always been a part of me. Before I make a decision, my mind automatically shifts from one point of view to another, and I have to go through all the possible points of view before I can come to any decision. Otherwise, I'm not satisfied. I need to see things from all the angles available to me thorough my cross-cultural lenses before coming to a satisfactory conculsion.

However, the downside of it is that I usually take too long to make up my mind.

The Heart of a TCK--finding roots in relationships

2005-05-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

One TCK put it this way when describing his roots,

"I am a mix of many cultures and my roots extend very far. My strongest roots do not lie in a place but in relationships. So, although I am a"hybrid," when I move I make my home, not by putting down geographic roots, but by building friendships. The more connected I am to people, the more connected I am to a place. . . Saying good-bye to good friends is extremely painful, but I would far rather suffer that kind of pain, than the pain of loneliness" (www.tckworld.com)

He is right on when he says that the more I am connected to people, the more I am connected to that place.

The Heart of a TCK--Belonging

2005-05-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

So the heart of a TCK like me wants to belong. Growing up with a sense of always being on the fringe has been difficult. It's one thing to adjust to a new culture and to try not to stand out, but it's another thing to actually belong. I suppose I will never really belong with one particular culture and in one particular place. Perhaps where I belong is in my relationship with other TCKs like me, who also feel that sense of rootlessness.

The Heart of a TCK--Facing reality

2005-05-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

However much I may long to be 100% Chinese and fit in with them, I must face reality and come to terms with it. The reality is that I will never be like the Chinese who spent their whole lives in China or Taiwan. They've grown up with a way of viewing the world that's completely different from mine. By virtue of growing up in the same country, they share a common background. They grew up watching the same TV shows, listening to the same types of music, went through the same school system, etc. The truth is, I'll always be seen as different.

Now, is that necessarily a bad thing? No, of course not. Being different is not a bad thing, but it sure would be nice to fit in for once.

The Heart of a TCK -- Part Six

2005-05-06T23:53:00.000-07:00

Even though I grew up with three cultural identities, which definitely has its advantages, I find myself wanting to to have just one. I want to have a culture, a language, and a group of people I can call my own and identify with. I wanna be able to say to someone that I am Taiwanese and that my native tongue is Mandarin and not have to worry about people questioning me. But the reality is that I don't speak Mandarin well at all, and since I haven't lived in Taiwan for the past 19 years, I can't relate to Taiwanese people, even though I am a citizen of Taiwan.

Deep down in my heart, I've always longed to return and reconnect with my Chinese roots. I want to live among the Chinese and be able to call them my own people and for them to see me as one of them. I want to be able to identify with their lot and serve them with the skills and knowledge I have acquired abroad.

The Heart of a TCK--Part Five

2005-05-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned earlier, with the alienation came a sense of shame. I felt looked down upon by others in the Chinese community. It was as if there was something wrong with me. Somehow, I was not good enough just as I was. And the interesting thing is that instead of pushing myself to learn the language well so I could fit in, I pulled away from the Chinese community. I became silent and sort of hid in the background. And before I knew it, I simply did not know how to connect with them anymore.

The Heart of a TCK -- Part Four

2005-05-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

With the alienation from the Chinese community came a sense of shame. I remember my parents' friends making comments about me losing my Chinese identity because I was losing my ability to communicate in Chinese and Taiwanese (a dialect that originated in Fu Jian Province, China). Was I actually "losing" my ability to communicate in Chinese (which I only studied up until first or second grade) or was it that I simply did not develop the communicative and grammatical competence of the language necessary to express the thoughts of a grown child/teenager? I believe it's the latter. As a child, I knew enough Chinese to express myself as a child, but as I grew up, I needed more sophisticated ways to express myself. And the knowledge of Chinese that I had, which was at the first/second grade level, was simply not enough nor adequate. So Spanish became the language by which I expressed myself as an older boy, and then English became the language by which I expressed myself as a teenager. In essence, the Spanish and English that I learned gave me the vocabulary, grammar, functions, etc. by which I could express myself at the different developmental stages of my life.

The Heart of a TCK -- Part Three

2005-05-01T23:35:00.000-07:00

It was no wonder that I had a hard time connecting with Bolivians and the Chinese community there in Santa Cruz, Bolivia after I began attending the American boarding school. For me, the only valid point of view was the one that corresponded with what I had learned at the boarding school. And it wasn't long before I began passing judgment on the cultural norms, values, and beliefs of the people in the other cultures through my "American" eyes. Ironically, in doing so, I was also judging myself--the Chinese and Bolivian side of me. As a result, I soon found myself alienated from the Bolivian people as well as the Chinese community.

The Heart of a TCK -- Part Two

2005-04-30T23:58:00.000-07:00

...you see, I grew up feeling torn among these three cultures. As much as I would like to say that I was able to smoothly integrate all three cultures within me, I can't. To do so would mean denying a part of who I am.

Rather than coming together harmoniously, these three cultures clashed with each other. It's as if imperialism/colonialism were taking place all within the landscape of my soul. The American side of me (the American values, ideas, and beliefs I had learned and absorbed in the American boarding school) imposed itself on the other two cultures--telling them what is acceptable and unacceptable, what is good and what is bad, etc. Instead of allowing the Chinese and Bolivian side of me to come forth in freedom and flourish, I (the American side of me) suppressed them , which of course was not healthy and was the source of the tredmendous inner struggle within me. I judged the Chinese and Bolivian side of me through an American perspective. I stuck to the American perspective, without questioning it, and as it were, denied and disowned my Chineseness and the influence of the Bolivian culture on me. There was no reconciliation or integration of the three. One subjugated the other two.

To be continued...

The heart of a Third Culture Kid (TCK)

2005-04-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

I am what's called a "TCK." TCKs are persons who, during their developmental years, grow up in a culture different from their parents' culture. [In my case, though my parents are Taiwanese and I lived in Taiwan for the first 8 years of my life, I grew up in Bolivia (age 8-19). Within these 11 years, 7 years were spent in an American boarding school where English was the medium of communication and the American culture was predominant.] As a result, they are no longer monocultural, but have, in a sense, developed their own culture by combining elements from both cultures--a blend of cultures. TCKs include the children of those whose career require them to move from culture to culture: diplomats' kids, military kids, missionary kids, international business people's kids (like me), etc.

A distinction is to be made between adults who move to another culture and TCKs. The former gain a broader perspective on the world, while the latter inevitably become a blend of cultures.
For more information go to www.tckworld.com.

As one who grew up having to adjust to and juggle three different cultures (Chinese culture at home, Bolivian culture outside the home, and American culture in the boarding school), I have struggled to find a place where I can call home and a culture I can call my own. You see....to be continued..........

Carpe Diem--"Seize the Day"

2005-04-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

Perhaps this sense of "waiting" or not living every moment to the fullest is in some way related to a mind and heart that's living in the past and maybe even the future but not in the present. An example of living in the past would be that of living in guilt. The feeling of guilt can only exist as a result of a past action. Living in this guilt can paralyze a person from living in the present. Living in the future can also prevent us from fully living in the present. As one looks ahead to what's to come, one's heart may be filled with many "if"s and may become gripped with fear...whether it's fear of change in oneself or in one's environment or fear of failure, etc.

So, I guess this feeling of waiting for something and of being a spectator of life has to do with a heart and mind that is divided between the past and the future. You know, it seems to me that to live in the past or in the future is so much easier than to live in the here and the now, where things may be messy and sticky or just plain and ordinary, seemingly without much excitement. Now, that is not to say that I never reflect on the past or look ahead and plan for the future, but that I should not be LIVING in neither of the two. No, I need to learn to live in the present, for as C.S. Lewis states, "...the Present is the point at which time touches eternity...the Present is all lit up with eternal rays" (p.61-62, "The Screwtape Letters")

O Lord Jesus Christ, teach me to live in the here and the now, in the present. Gladly submitting to whatever it is you bring my way.

Engaging in life with my whole heart

2005-04-23T23:48:00.000-07:00

Oftentimes I feel like I am waiting, waiting for something. What is this something? I am not sure. Is it the perfect, ideal moment? Am I waiting for myself to be perfect before I plunge into all that is life? Come to think of it, sometimes I feel like most of my life has been one long wait...for something.

And so I live with much hesitation because this waiting holds me back. I live as if I were just a spectator of life rather than the one living it. Sometimes I feel like a soldier in the midst of war, who instead of engaging in battle, retreats and hides...in fear. Instead of engaging in all that is life, my heart retreats and hides.

Oh Lord, help me find my heart and bring it out of hiding into the fullness of life, into the fullness of who you are.

solitude and silence

2005-04-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

Where I grew up, Bolivia, it is not uncommon nor strange to see people sitting on a bench in a beautiful park doing nothing. Many meet up with friends to chat and sing, but there also those who sit alone in quietness. And this is no strange sight; nothing awkward about it.

On the other hand, in this busy society, it would indeed seem strange to see someone in public simply doing nothing. It is expected that people be always doing something--eating, sleeping, reading, chatting, listening to music, watching TV, etc. To see people sitting by themselves, in silence, doing nothing, would indeed seem strange and even make others feel awkward to be around them. When was the last time any of us were alone in silence, simply doing nothing. We were not walking to reach a particular destination; we did not have the music or the TV on; we were not chatting with anyone; we were not reading; in short, we were simply not tryting to get anything done.

In my times of solitude and silence, I have discovered that these two disciplines are essential for the nurturing of my heart, though it is not easy to practice them. One thing I've realized is that during times of solitude and silence I am able to listen and hear the cries of my heart. I am able to be honest with myself and confront the pain or grief within me. And as result, I am able to live from my heart.

What is the heart?

2005-04-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

The heart is not something that can be pinned down, dissected, and studied. It is not something that can be easily controlled. It is unpredictable. It cannot be put in a box; in fact, it refuses to be put in a box and be bound. It is mysterious. Yet, it is the core of who we are. Therefore, it is essential that we seek for it and seek to understand it, as much as is humanly possible. For from our hearts flow the good and the bad. What is stored in our hearts is what makes us who we are.

Wild at Heart

2005-04-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

I just reread a few chapters of "Wild at Heart" last night and found something very insightful. The author states that men should not be looking for their sense of masculinity from women. He tells the reader "...stop looking to her to validate you, stop trying to make her come through for you, stop trying to get your answer from her." He implores men to release her as the one who is supposed to make them a man. Instead of going to the woman, a man needs to get away by himself and do some soul searching to find himself. Only then can he came back with the answers--an understanding of his mission, his life purpose, his name--and have something to invite the woman into. Only then can he go to the woman and offer her his strength, instead of going to her to get his strength.

A restless heart

2005-04-17T00:39:00.000-07:00

Lately my heart has been restless, especially at night. Rather than going to sleep at a decent hour such as 11:00 or 12:00 pm, I find that my heart is not ready to get tucked in and get some rest. It wants to stay up to seek for something, to wait for something. And I am not sure what that something is. My heart longs to be satisfied, and paradoxically, it, though restless, longs for rest.

Lord Jesus, you said "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Lord, would you grant me the grace to come to you, just as I am, with all my restlessness, and not to turn to TV or other forms of entertainment to drown out the restlessness in my heart? Would you grant me the grace to come to you with open hands to receive you and the rest you long to give me? Amen.

Love

2005-04-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

Love, true love, is such a mystery. In my own experience, I find that it's difficult to simply let someone else love me (no strings attached) and allow that love to permeate my being and to change me into a better person. My natural inclination is to do "something" to return that love, to somehow make myself worthy of receiving that love. However, when I do that, I am not allowing that person's love to come into my life. I am not allowing that person the joy of loving me. Why? Is it because I am afraid to let the other person into my life? into my heart? Is it because it's easier to keep myself at a distance and not get tangled up in someone else's life?

Why is it so hard for people to receive a gift from someone? Why is it that we often feel uneasy and a sense of obligation to give something in return so as to maintain the balance in the relationship? Why is it that we can't just fully embrace what the other is offering us, whether it be a gift or themselves?

2005-04-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

Last night I was listening to a sermon stemming from the famous Biblical parable of the prodigal son. Basically, the first part of the parable is about a son (the younger son) who asks his father for his share of the inheritance so that he can go live his own life. At that time, asking something like that meant that to you, your father was as good as dead. So, the sons goes off and wastes all his money in wild living and soon finds himself working in a farm feeding pigs. Things got so bad that he even felt like eating the pigs' food. Under such dire circumstances, he decides that he is gonna go home and beg his father to forgive him and make him one of his servants. As the younger son makes his way home, the father sees him from afar, is filled with compassion, and runs to embrace him. He clothes his son and throws a party to celebrate his return.

As the pastor continues the sermon, he comes to a point where he shares this profound insight: the father's relationship with his rebellious son is not based on the son's behavior or performance, but rather, it is based on who the father is. In other words, my relationship with God the Father is not based on how I behave and act, but rather, on who God is.

Oh, how freeing this truth is! Oftentimes, I walk around with a heavy burden of guilt and shame for the things I have done to grieve God's heart. I beat myself up over those things and soon I begin to think that I am no longer worthy of approaching God and of being loved by Him. All I see is the ugliness and filth within me, and I begin to doubt that a holy and righteous God would desire to fellowship with someone like me.

The pastor's statement was a great encouragement to me because it reminded me that no matter how horrible the sins I've committed, God still loves me because HE IS LOVE, and He cannot deny Himself. Yes, He loves me because He is love, not because of what I have or have not done. And as I ponder this, I cannot help but to desire to bow down and worship Him.

Oh! Don't we all long for such love? such unconditional and constant love? More often than not, our relationships with each other are based on behavior and performance. Our relationships are a means to an end. We form relationships with each other based on what we can get out of it, not for what we can put into it. God, on the other hand, wants a relationship with us for what He can put into it, not for what He can get out of it (for He has no needs). We all long to be loved for who we are, with all the baggage we carry with us. We long to be loved when we are at our worst. God, and only God, offers such kind of love and all we have to do is open our hands to receive it. And once we do, we'll never be the same.

2005-04-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

I've just finished reading the book "Wild at Heart--Discovering the secret of a man's soul"--an easy read, however, the thoughts are profound and life changing. It is quite thought-provoking, to say the least and has caused me to examine myself. In this book, the author states that deep down, every man longs for an adventure to live, a battle to fight, and a beauty to conquer. However, because men have been bombarded with the idea that to be a man is to be a nice guy, those desires have been buried. So, the author delves into an explanation of these desires and shows the reader how a man, despite the assaults on his identity, can find and regain his heart, his wild heart.